The 5th is New and Improved
by Crimson Leopard
Summary: It all started with Shinji taking the title of taichou once again, and it ended with a vow to never do good again. One-shot!


Hello! This is my first story, so I hope it meets your standards! I thought that since Kubo never mentioned how Shinji and Hinamori meet and trusted each other, I'd write a lil' something. In honor of the great Hirako Shinji-sama.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Bleach

* * *

"Why is Hirako Taichou lying on top of Hinamori-san?"

At that very moment, Shinji never wanted to murder Kira more than he did in his entire life.

It was quite simple, actually; the reason why Shinji was pressed fully against his fukutaichou, being able to feel every single contour of her body, and feeling more awkward than ever before, but it was a long story- and he really didn't feel like telling a saga. However, it seemed that awkward blond shinigami had a voice that could carry off into the wind, and surely more and more people arrived to see the indecent scene in front of them.

"What?! I can't believe it! I knew something was up with those two!"

"Oh man, this is juicy! I need to tell Hisagi-san for the Seireitei News!"

"A new topic to talk about in our Shinigami Women's Association!"

Shinji inwardly groaned and thought about how he was going to kill these guys, most of them in his own squad, and cursed himself for ever being nice.

* * *

He had been reinstated as Squad 5's captain after a century, and Shinji couldn't suppress his wide grin at the thought of it. Sure, it felt strange being without the Vizards like they always were, but he still had Kensei and Rose. Besides Hiyori made it a point to call him weekly, and he could never figure out how she could still beat him up over the phone.

Shinji glanced through the small crack in the door and judged his squad. Most of them looked scared or nervous, and the ones that didn't were already crying off in a corner. _Man, Aizen, you brought up a squad of sissies._

Shinji's attention was averted when he heard a gentle but loud voice gather the squad. "Can I have your attention?"

A petite brunette with a bun stood tall in front of the room and in seconds collected the entire squad's fixation. Seeing her arm badge, Shinji determined she was his new fukutaichou.

"After Aizen Taichou left our squad, this is our first taichou," she began. Shinji raised an eyebrow at the way she addressed her former leader. _Do you really call someone who betrayed you by such a respectful name?_

"But I'm not just going to state the obvious. I am here to tell you that it is entirely my fault for Aizen Taichou defecting like that, and also for being such a coward afterwards. You needed a leader, and I could not fulfill my role."

The Shinigami whispered amongst themselves, wondering how their darling fukutaichou could take the blame for something out of her hands. "Hinamori-san…" the Fourth Seat began, but Hinamori silenced him with her hand.

"I know that I am not an elite, and that perhaps I was not chosen for this position as fukutaichou because of my skills. However, unless our current taichou decides so, I will not step down from my position. Therefore, I hope to be the best fukutaichou I can, and I hope we can all welcome our new taichou with open arms." Hinamori took a short bow and slowly the squad members started cheering and applauding for her.

"Yes! Hinamori Fukutaichou!" They said in unison. Hinamori smiled and stepped forward, mixing herself within her squad. Shinji decided it was time to make his appearance, and slowly opened the door.

The squad's cheering died down almost immediately as they looked at the man who just entered. He was tall, had blond, straight hair, and wore a frown that could freeze enemies.

"Yo. Name's Hirako Shinji, but you can just call me Hirako Taichou, or Hirako-san, or Shinji. …And I'm your new captain. That's all for today."

With his golden speech, Shinji flashed his creepiest grin to the squad and exited the way he came, leaving the entire Squad 5 gaping, including Hinamori.

"Uh… and I guess that's our captain," Hinamori finished off lamely.

Outside, Shinji smirked and whispered to himself, "This may be fun."

* * *

The next day, Squad 5 came together for their first assignment from their captain. Not knowing what to expect, the shinigami were thinking of horrible and vile training regimens the newly appointed taichou may put them through.

"What if he makes us lick the 5th wall clean?" an unseated member wondered.

"You fool!" another shouted. "How the hell is that training?"

"Maybe the taichou is a sadist."

"Of course he is, did you see his smile? Total sadist smile."

"And how would you know what that is? Aizen Tai— I mean Aizen never did that."

"No see, my sister is getting married soon, and yesterday I met a potential suitor, and he was a total sadist. He had a smile just like that."

"You fool! And you call me a fool, when you're talking about your sister?! What if Taichou heard you!? Do you know what he would do?!"

"I dunno, what should I do?"

The unseated members suddenly turned to stone and dragged their heavy heads behind them to see none other than their Taichou smirking at them.

"W-We're sorry!" they cried, groveling at Shinji's feet. Shinji sighed and picked them both up by their collars and hauled them up straight. "Ya both are fools," he said, and moved to the center to address the entire squad.

"Er-hem. Okay! So, I've decided for our first day of training, you'll be killing hollows. I've been notified there are over 200 hollows in Rukongai District 64, so head on out there."

The squad began whispering amongst themselves, yet none of them could find the confidence to talk to their taichou. None except for a certain fukutaichou.

"But… Hirako Taichou, isn't that too many? I-I mean, how can only our squad take on 200 hollows?!" Hinamori cried out. Shinji stared at the girl for what seemed like centuries before simply saying, "Ya should have the potential to kill 200 hollows yourself, so I don't see what the big deal is."

Hinamori turned red with shame as she bowed her head low and quickly apologized. "Y-yes! I'm sorry!" Hinamori then faced her comrades and ordered them to follow her lead. They obediently trailed after her towards the district, all thinking the same thing. _Hirako Taichou is a bastard._

* * *

Hinamori could feel the mass reiatsu of the hollows from miles away, and she first wondered how that many hollows could be in one place together.

"The 12th used hollow bait to get the hollows from districts nearby in order to find a place away from souls to fight the hollows. That's why there are so many." Shinji said, reading the girl's thoughts.

Hinamori jumped back a bit at the sound of his voice, and didn't even realize he had been running alongside her. "Oh…I see." Why did it seem that she would always appear so scatterbrained around her new taichou? Unlike Aizen, who used to compliment her, this man just seemed to make her feel more and more stupid.

_Of course I'm stupid- what am I doing, thinking of Aizen Taichou when I'm supposed to be carrying out my duty. _

Hinamori signaled to her squad to split up, and after a wave of her hand, they each dispersed into different groups and took on the hollows. One by one, hollows were being slain by the hands of her comrades, their blood spilling on the ground, their terrible cries vanishing off into the wind. When it came down to it, the 5th could get serious. They had enough time to recuperate from Aizen, and now they needed to prove their worth to their taichou.

Suddenly, while Hinamori was finishing off one of the last hollows, one crept up on the 5th seat while his back was turned. Hinamori tried calling out to him, but she knew that with the distance between them, there was no chance she could save him. "Look out!"

In less than a second, Shinji effortlessly teleported to the area and sliced the hollow in two. The 5th seat gasped and stared at his taichou in awe, too stunned to even formulate words.

"Baka, never leave your back open. It's a disgrace to ever carry yourself with scars on your back. And pay more attention, too. I'm not gonna be there each time you can't protect yourself, so get stronger." Shinji scratched his hair lazily as he lectured the member.

"And as for all of ya! … I see you're not the sissies I thought you were. Ah, looks like we're done for today, let's head back."

A moment of awkward silence passed before Shinji coughed and said, "Or maybe you all need your ears checked. I said—"

"Yes sir!" one man shouted, grinning like an idiot while saluting Shinji. Slowly, others took his example and followed, bowing under their leader and all smiling.

Hinamori was stunned at the sight before her. They already trusted this man with their lives from a simple lecture and a backhanded praise. Hinamori couldn't prevent her own smile from appearing and she followed suit. _This man… perhaps I can learn from him…_

* * *

"Eh? Come again?" Shinji drawled lazily.

"Please help me become stronger!" Hinamori begged, and bowed down to Shinji's feet.

"Oi oi! Pick yourself up! And what's with this? What's this sudden urge?"

Hinamori stared straight into her taichou's eye and showed that she was adamant. "I need to be stronger for my squad, to protect them at all costs like you did today. If you weren't there, who knows what would have happened?"

Shinji stroked his chin in a failed attempt to act smart and mulled the aspect of it over. "So you pretty much want me to help you become stronger? Is that what you are insinuating?"

_I was not insinuating it, I actually said it. He's trying to act cool._

Hinamori held her hand to her mouth, trying to keep her laugh in, but Shinji was still able to detect it. "What's so funny?"

Hinamori shook her head and said sweetly, "You reminded me of Shiro-chan. He's always trying to be cool too."

"Shiro-chan? Eh, you mean Toshiro? I didn't know he had such a cute nickname!"

"Yes, but only Ukitake Taichou and I call him that. Though I suppose Ukitake Taichou will probably permit you to also call him if you ask."

Shinji grinned and lightly patted his fukutaichou's head causing her to look up at him with a puzzled expression on her face.

"Come on, let's start your training," Shinji said as sweetly as he could, and coming from him, seemed even scarier than usual. Nevertheless, Hinamori beamed and quickly nodded her head, following her Taichou into the streets of Seireitei. Workers were busy repairing buildings the 11th Squad had demolished, though everyone knew who one of the men was. His shiny head could serve as a light bulb to light all of Seireitei.

"Damn it! Why do we have to repair these stupid buildings! It's not even our building!" Ikkaku whined as he accidentally hammered his own thumb, resulting in another curse.

His friend flipped his hair and said, "You're the one who destroyed it, and unless you want to face Unohana Taichou, I suggest you work faster."

"Damn you, Yumichika! All you're doing is standing there, just watching me suffer! At least get me the super glue! It's right in front of you! While it's still hot!" Ikkaku shouted, veins sticking out of his Pachinko head. He glared down at Yumichika who was simply staring at his nails from the platform he was standing on.

Yumichika sighed and picked up the bucket. From then on, total disaster occurred. Ikkaku accidentally hammered his thumb again, and this time he involuntarily dropped the hammer face down onto Yumichika's head. Yumichika screamed like a little girl and flailed his arms, sending the superglue flying out of the bucket… and landing on an unlucky Shinji.

Following that, a _pissed_ Shinji took a step forward to punch the living daylights out of the pretty-boy. However, a clumsy Ikkaku fell off of the ledge he was standing on and bumped into Hinamori, who then slowly fell towards Shinji…

But Shinji was much smarter than that, and moved out of the way before the two could come in contact. Shinji found his footing and sighed of relief. That could have been much worse—

Suddenly, a body flew through two buildings and slammed into Shinji, knocking him onto Hinamori and blowing them painfully into the ground. Zaraki Kenpachi came out of the building and laughed manically, pounding his fist into his palm. "That was fun! Now, who's up next?"

The very moment this occurred, a stupid and timid blond fukutaichou just _happened_ to be passing by, and decided to attract enough attention for the world to hear.

And before Shinji knew it, he was pressed fully against his fukutaichou, was able to feel every single contour of her body, and felt more awkward than ever before. Really, he could just blame the idiots from the 11th, but Shinji knew that wasn't the true reason. He believed in karma, and this was his karma for thinking he would do something nice and help his little fukutaichou get stronger. Turns out, he wasn't suited for doing nice things for others.

"What an obscene sight!"

"I knew that filthy man should not have been reinstated as a taichou. Have you seen his hair?! It's _slanted_. Slanted!"

Shinji wanted to torture these idiots around him, and then let them suffer the pain slowly until they died.

"What the **fuck **do you think you're doing, you bastard?" a murderous voice seethed.

Shinji wanted to kill the idiots around him, but first he had to escape the wrath of Shiro-chan.

And judging by where his Zanpaktou was pointed, Shinji didn't think it was possible.

* * *

Reviews are nice! So, if ya would... how was it? I'll take any comment you throw at me.

**Edited: 8/23/12**


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